Saturday morning
started bright and early and by 7:00am I was sitting on a softball field
waiting for the day to start. I ended up taking my dad’s car to Wawa to get
myself a healthy breakfast and it didn’t go well... I got myself scrambled
eggs, a chicken Cesar salad and *gasp* a sweet tea. I couldn’t help myself!! I
was exhausted, desperate for some sugar and I didn’t want a cup of coffee. So
that was my first downfall of the weekend of downfalls!! I was about halfway
back to the fields when I realized I had forgotten to grab a fork... it would
have been interesting to eat scrambled eggs without a fork so I grabbed my dad’s
church keys and rummaged through the schools kitchen to find a fork and then I
doctored up my eggs a bit with salt and pepper. They didn’t taste too bad but I’m
just NOT a fan of eggs so I only ate half of them. I did get a lot of walking
in on Saturday. I should have set my phone up to track all my walking! By the
end of the day, my calves were on fire and ready to split in half!! Anyway!!!
So around 11am I was hungry and decided to eat my salad. Well if you have ever
gotten salads from Wawa before, you know that they don’t put salad dressing in
the salads. Well, I had never gotten a salad there before and hadn’t even
thought to look for dressing... so I ate it dry. Oh yeah! And they don’t give
you a fork. Luckily I did still have my fork from breakfast.
Well the next time I
ate was at dinner. It was my future sister-in-laws (Stephanie’s) birthday so we
all went out to JB Dawson’s for dinner. By this time it was several hours since
I had eaten that half dry salad that I ate 6 hours ago is long gone! well when
you eat there, they have the most delicious bread that is on the table so when
RJ and I get there and after we order out, he cuts himself off a piece and
starts slathering on the butter... my mouth starts watering! I chug down half
of my water, hoping to offset the craving and praying that my salad that I
ordered quickly makes it appearance! Well it was just too much temptation for
me so I stole a bite of his bread... YUM! But I was instantly mad at myself! Why
did I give into that temptation?? I am stronger then this! Finally, my salad
shows up - wasn’t the best I have had but it would give my stomach something to
digest so I didn’t embarrass myself by finishing off half a loaf of bread with
butter! My dinner finally arrives, broccoli and a grilled chicken breast with
bbq sauce. It looks wonderful! I look over and RJ had ordered chicken fingers
and fries - my comfort food! I ate my dinner very slowly and drank another glass
of water hoping that would fill me up. after dinner I knew the family was going
to order dessert and I didn’t just want to jump up and leave but I also didn’t
want to tempt myself again. We stayed long enough for their dessert to arrive,
for us to sing happy birthday to Steph, say goodbye to his family and FINALLY I
was safe! I had made it through my first restaurant on the SBD.
It was Saturday night
and RJ really wanted to see The Avengers in 3D so we got tickets for 9:30pm and
headed back to my house for a bathroom pit stop and for me to change into jeans
and flip flops. While we were there, we started talking to my parents and I was
saying how I didn’t know how to go to the movies without getting pop corn and pretzel
bites with cheese. My parents (oh so encouragingly) told me that eating bad
once in a while wouldn’t hurt me so of course, I took their advice and got my
popcorn and pretzel bites. NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!! I ate every single pretzel bite
and by the time I was finished them, I thought I was going to throw my guts up!
I hadn’t eating like that in almost a week and my stomach was just not
accepting it! But I felt bad that RJ had paid for popcorn and I wasn’t going to
eat it so I took a couple handfuls of that and yuck! It wasn’t good! The entire
movie, I sat there angry at myself!!! I gave into a stupid temptation, messed
up my entire week of hard work for one night of food. Dumb move!
Sunday morning came
and after my girl from the night before, I chugged a bottle of water faster than
anything and praying it would help washed my system out of that stupid food (I
know it doesn’t work that way but I was wishful) My dad and I have a Sunday
tradition where we always stop for starbucks on the way to church and I had
already set in my mind when I started my journey to a new me that I wasn’t
giving up my Sunday morning coffee. That just wasn’t happening. So I got my
vanilla latte and enjoyed every sip. I didn’t feel guilty about that because I
already knew every Sunday I was drinking that coffee!! For lunch I made myself
a ham and chicken Cesar salad and then a munched on some sunflower seeds (yum)
and I drake a bottle of water. My biggest disappointment was dinner that night!
I am embarrassed just thinking about writing this. We went to McDonalds and I
lost my control. I was downright sick of eating salads so I got chicken
nuggets! I know how unhealthy they are, I know they are not SBD approved and I
know I royally messed up but I ate them anyway. I felt guilty the entire time
but my dad had paid for my dinner and I didn’t want to waste the money and I
knew I couldn’t go back and change it. I had already messed up. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t
still mad at myself but I learned something this weekend.
I can have all of the
determination in the world to lose this weight, but I am still human and I will
fail! I failed this weekend but I am not giving up! Other times that I have
tried to diet and I would mess up like this, I would quit and say why bother. But
I’m not going to do that this time! I am going to pick myself up and I’m going
to do better this week! I am not going to even let my mind entertain the idea
of eating badly but if I do, I am not going to beat myself up about it. I will
pick myself up and move forward. Life isn’t about making mistakes and quitting,
it’s about making miistakes and moving forward and learning from them! I have
learned to never go to the movies without a healthy snack hidden in my purse. I
have learned I need to change up my diet so I am not bored with my meals. I have
learned that this diet is not going to be perfect. I am glad that I messed up
this weekend because it taught me so much. Do I want a repeat>? ABSOLUTELY
NOT!! I will lose this weight! And I will see this through the end, until i
reach my goal weight!!
My last thought, I
weighed in this morning and even though it wasn’t on the same scale I normally
lose, I was weighing in at 198 this morning. That is 3 pounds that I lost with
my diet and sporadic work out. Speaking of workouts, my life is entirely too
busy to do P90x every day so I do it on the nights that I can and when I can’t,
I at least do my crunches.
One day at a time...
u're doing it!!! and, it's Monday-it's the beginning of a fresh week!!!
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